when im a parent i won’t take my kid’s electronics when they get in trouble i’ll just take the charger so i can watch the fear in their eyes as they use it less and less while the battery slowly begins to run out
- Christopher: "You can't say you're a doctor when you're not!"
- Jerwayne: "You go tell Dr Dre that, man will fuck you up!"
Fuck up your sleeping schedule with me so i know it’s real.
When your girlfriend tries to hold your hand before marriage
go into a starbucks in NYC and say very loudly into your phone “this movie script is stale and trite! we need some new talent, someone with a fresh outlook” and wait
50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”